Feb 8, 2010

My eyes opened quickly as the thoughts of all the things that had to be done came rushing to the front of my mind. The morning had a chill to it and I could hear the pounding of grain by hand by the women who work so hard to feed their children so early in the morning.

I jumped out of bed to get things ready for the day. I had Zashee (the cook) coming because James and Sarah are out of town and the wash lady was coming and I needed to sort the clothes for her. I began my morning thinking I was going to get a lot of things done early and be on top of things. That is just not how things work around here.
I was interrupted by a knock at the door. Emmanuel, came to me looking very sad. This is the boy that had spent many months in the hospital due to the amputation to his arm. I looked at him and asked why he was not going to school. He just looked at me in sadness knowing if he talked to me I would not understand him. I took him over to the hospital to have Michelle interpret for me. I learned that his 15 y/o brother just died the day before in a car accident and he needed to get to his village to be with his family. His village is about 20 miles away so I knew we would need to get him a "klondo", that is, a taxi motorcycle. I quickly got myself together to head to the market with Emmanuel. We walked in silence as thoughts came rushing to my head about all the sadness this place has to offer the children. I realized that my sensitivity toward death was becoming numbed. I have seen and heard of more people dying in this place in 7 months than I have in my whole life. As I walked with him I took in the scenery of the place. The dirt trail and all the grass huts. I began to really look and saw a really broken down hut with trash everywhere and two children home alone. The children were about 2 -3 year of age. They come running out to the trail to great the Nasara with their dirty hands stretched out to touch me. As I looked into their snotty nose faces I thought about how crazy it was that they were all alone. I just prayed that God would take care of them as I went on my way feeling a sense of helplessness knowing that there was nothing I could do for them. As we approached the market I saw another 3 year old little girl walking along and buying something to put into water to flavor it. She was so tiny but acted as though she owned the place. My next encounter was a little girl about 8 years old and she is a friend of mine. Our first encounter was when we had been here just about 2 months and she was working hard trying to sell what looked like tiny pancakes in a bag. She would walk around the market making what money she could. I felt impressed to buy a bunch which was equivalent to 2 US dollars. I bought everything on her plate on her head that day and ever since we have been friends. I help her when I can and suddenly an old lady comes for money for food. I thought "perfect" the old lady wanted food and the young girl wanted to sell her food so I overpaid the little girl for two bags of pancake food and handed it to the old lady knowing the old lady was really wanting the money. I just looked at her with a smile and handed her the food and walked away as I wished her well. Emmanuel still with me and making noises to let me know he can't believe what I go through just going to the market. Some things you just know what a person is thinking without all the words. He just looked at me and made a wow noise and we continued on. I told Emmanuel to go to the klondo man without me so he could get a better price "without the Nasara". So I sent him on his way and I took a walk around the block. As I approached the klondo I asked Emmanuel how much it was going to cost him, he said 2000 F and I was thinking wow that is really great. But then my plan broke, the klondo man came over and now said it was going to be 4000 F. Trying to argue as much as my broken French would allow I finally gave up and let Emmanuel just go but I let it be known I was not happy with the "Nasara tax". I wished him well and sent him on his way. As I made my way back home I just prayed for him and his situation. As I walked through the market again I felt as though I was in a movie. I had people saying things to me as I walked by. Mostly not knowing a word they have said. I prayed begging that God would allow me to grasp this language. I would look up for a moment long enough to see an Arab man pass me and say something into my face as he moved along quickly. I suddenly felt so alone and so sad. "God take all of this from me". I stand out in the market like a light in the dark and everyone turns and looks. This is something that has been so hard for me since we have moved here. You can't walk a block and not hear them calling the "Nasara". The rest of my journey home was spent just talking to my Lord. Sometimes you can be around so many people but yet feel all alone. I got home and looked at the clock 9:30 a.m. I still had my whole day ahead of me. Again God just help me to not get overwhelmed and help whoever and however I can.