I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my face. I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs. I cried for at least an hour on the way to the airport thinking about the fact that I was about to leave both my children in the states a half a world away from me. I am not ready for this. I am so scared and begin to pray to God about whether this is the right thing for me to be leaving them. "Lord do you still want me in Chad? Because I feel like my heart is being pulled out of my chest!" I talk to Him letting God know that I need something from Him to let me know that I am doing the right thing. Because if I'm not I would love to stay and be with my children. Be there to pick out banquet dresses or be around for Christmas. All of the realities of what I am going to missing just rush to my thoughts and I need Gods affirmation. I never felt like I was sacrificing too much being here in Chad until I had to leave the other half of my love in America. "God I need to know something before I get on that plane. Because all I want to do right now is be in the states with those I love. God! I need you now!"
I hug Cory goodbye. I didn't want to let him go. But I force myself to turn away and move forward toward our 24 hour journey. We had ten bags to check in which costs $200 a bag after the first four. So we know we are looking at $1200, and then we have a big box with an oxygen concentrator in it that a couple was donating to the hospital. We thought that it was going to cost between $400-$500 since it was over the allowed 50 lbs. We move up to the counter and as we get everything checked in the total cost for everything comes to $406. What? I thought for sure they were making a mistake. They said that they were only going to charge us $58 a bag and $0 for the oxygen concentrator. We couldn't believe it. What a blessing! We have been a little concerned about our money this year with trying to get everything for two kids for a whole year and so the money has been tight. God knew that the money has been a concern for me and I do believe that this was one sign for me that He is supporting our journey and letting me know that He is not letting me go to Africa alone. He has promised to go with me and I feel His presence which was exactly what I needed.
Thank you God for caring about all the big and little concerns in our lives. I just knew that He was letting me know that He is hearing me. As we get settled and wait to board the plane I accept my fate again. "Lord I know that you will take care of my children for you love them more than I do. I will go forward and do what you want me to do and go to a place that is not my home if you want me to." But knowing that I am not going alone and that the Creator of all things is in control and loves me and my children, that gives me some courage to go where you are sending me again.