Sometimes I ask myself, do I really know anyone here? Is there anyone here that can be honest? How can they validate their wrong actions? How is it that if someone sees a crime they just turn their face and act like nothing happened. Is there anyone here that considers us their friends? Does anyone here feel like they have a real friendship toward us with certain dedication, at all? Can anyone be honest and do the right thing here? Does anyone want to know who Jesus really is? Is there anyone here I can reach? Do they see anything different in me? If so, do they see that it is Jesus? Is anything I am doing making a difference? Am I just saving a child from death to put them in a life of corruption, suffering and abuse? I have to ask, would that child be better off to die and maybe grow up in heaven? What are we doing here? I need answers! I need God to remind me what in the world am I doing in this place?
All of these things may seem harsh. It may seem like I am over exaggerating. But this is a very hard place to live in. You can be surrounded by a thousand people and feel so alone. I haven't been writing blogs because I am so discouraged. I know that satan is attacking us. But I need God to talk to me and tell me how to handle all of this. I don't have any of the answers. It seems like the work is too much and we are too small. But the corruption here is getting to be too much. We have had so much stuff happen in the last month that it is just overwhelming. I haven't been writing about it because no one wants to hear about some of the bad realities here. All of the things getting stolen by the people we trust the most in our inner circle. Or our friends getting married to little girls UNDER the age of 14. This is such a hard job to work with the people here. Just take everything that you have been raised to know. Now, throw it up in the air and turn it all upside down. That is how the people believe here. The police are people to be afraid of. They are not here to help but to give anyone a hard time and threaten you to get money from you. Not being able to tell if even the pastor is converted. Who do we go to for help? I know God is the answer.
Right now, if any of you have been following our stories, we need you. We need you to pray for us. We need the prayer to be specific. Why are we here? How can we reach the people? Does God still want us here? What does God want from our mission? We want to do what God wants us to do. But what is it?
We need encouragement. I have been afraid to be so rawly honest. Sometimes I get people to write back and judge us for not being good enough. We are human and right now are discouraged. Please, help us get the answers we need from God. I believe if we pray together God will make it all clear. Right now I am reading the book, Power of Prayer, written by Ellen G. White. I know that through faith I can hear Gods voice for our lives. He can and will show us what to do. But I also don't think that there is anything wrong in asking for help, help from all of our friends.
Please keep our health in prayer as well. Right now I have typhoid and Jamie continues, off and on, to have problems with his heart.
Thank you all for all of your support. We appreciate you.