Dear Friends and Family

" Usually "official missionary letters" are full of stories of success,
conversions, lives saved, and exciting experiences. While those things
happen, real life is mostly like you have written about in your last
couple of letters, hard, boring, hot and discouraging."

This was a quote that I took from something someone wrote to me back in
July. I have not been writing the last couple of weeks because the work
has gotten harder and longer. Sometimes I think that maybe my blog
letters are all about the bad stuff. I don't want to discourage anyone
but at the same time this is "real life here". We are all being
bombarded with all the suffering of so many in incredible extremes and
the challenges that we, as missionaries, are being confronted with, due
to the culture difference, have heightened. I can feel and see Satan
working. We need prayers.

My work finally came to a stop tonight. I went and joined everyone out
at our fire pit out behind Olen and Danae's house. Everyone was joining
together in beautiful song for worship. Like I have said before we have
some really talented student missionaries. I drifted off into thought,
thought from all the happenings of the week. I felt like I needed to be
alone with God. I got up and went out to the basketball court and laid
down. Looking up toward the heavens, I felt closer to God. I gave Him
my burdens from the week. I shared with Him my crushed heart for some
of the people that I can't seem to get out of my head. How does He do
it? "How Lord how can you see everything?" I see just a little in this
distant world and I almost have to become numb to it in order to get
through a day. I spent some time praising Him as my tears could not
hold on any longer. The stars got fuzzy and so did my thoughts of "my
strength". I want to surrender my burdens to my Father who is the only
One who can make things straight for me again and again.

I want to share one of the most disturbing things I witnessed this week.
A desperate mother came to see me to see if there was anything I could
do for her suffering daughter. Her daughter is 9 years old and
paralyzed. She was sitting far away from the mother off in the dirt. I
walked over and she was just a torso. She was so little. Her legs were
folded around her small body where I almost could not even see them with
her feet were behind her. Her arms were as skinny as her legs. I asked
her if she was sitting in the sun because she was cold? She told me
that was right. I asked her mother a series of questions about her
daughter. I was told to touch her back. I reached down and she had a
huge lump that covered half her back but that was not all. Her mother
told me to reach in front of her, I did and the lump was in front of her
as well. She said she was in pain. Thinking of her now as I write this
just tugs at my heart strings. This poor girl! I of course sent her to
the hospital to see if we can help her with any of this but
unfortunately there just isn't much for us to do. It was really sad.

I don't know, maybe I am just a softy. Maybe I'm not cut out for this
work. I just feel so helpless sometimes. What can I do to make her
life any better or happier?

I had an old lady today that was just hungry. All ten of her children
died and left her with no grandchildren to even help her. She can't see
good and does not know how to get enough food for herself.

The little boy Jonah came to me today like he does every Friday. His
brother Thomas is the one that fell in the well that we thought was
going to loose his eye but everything worked out. His father is in
prison and mother is dead. They live with their blind grandmother. She
came to me with him on Wednesday and is very sick. We helped her to go
to the hospital for an exam and medication. But Jonah today is very
concerned about her. I told him to give the medicine time to work. If
she is not better by Sunday bring her again.

I went to another old woman's house today to visit her for the first
time. As I walked in she was sitting on a mat reading her bible. She
wanted to get up and greet me but she fell about 4 months ago and her
knee is still swollen. Her husband died 11 years ago and all her
children have died. She has one grandson, at the age of 10, that takes
care of her. He puts water on the fire for her and helps her how he
can. I brought her a bag of food and I didn't give it to her until I
finished praying with her. When she looked in the bags she was so
surprised and said that she is now a princes. She thanked God over and
over and told me that God will pay me back for she had nothing to offer.

We had many other visitors today but this gives you an idea of what kind
of work I am confronted with in a day. I enjoy the people and for sure
my heart is with them but it can just bring a person down sometimes.

I guess I just need to give it all to God. Our family prays every
morning to bring those that He wants us to help. Sometimes I don't know
exactly what it is that He wants me to do for some of these people. I
am glad to be someone for them. If there is something I can do, I
will.

So if I write depressing and discouraging things, I think I am in need
of encouragement. We are all working together to glorify God. Someone
recently told me that we need each other to hold each others arms up
during a fight like they did for Moses. We are out here fighting on the
front lines for the Lord and sometimes need that helping hand. If I
don't tell you there is no way for you to know.

Please send up for a prayer for our mission.

Love and prayers,
Tammy

--
We are 100% volunteers and your donations are deeply appreciated, as are
your prayers, both of which will contribute greatly to our mission.

PLEASE SPECIFY IN THE MEMO AREA OF YOUR CHECK
FOR "THE BERE PROJECT" AND SEND TO.

Harrison Seventh-Day Adventist Church

PO BOX 969 Harrison, Tn. 37341

Dear Friends and Family,

 I am so numb with sorrow.  I am so tired.  Now I am feeling why missionaries need to take a break.  I feel like so many are suffering here.  So many are dying.  I have no idea how Olen and Danae or James and Sarah can come face to face with death everyday at the hospital.    Yesterday I had a lady come to my door with a little baby girl about 8 months old.  But for some reason I became quickly attached I don't know if it was the remainder feelings from what happened to baby Adam or what.  She needed help with paying for the hospital to help her baby. She walked 8 miles to get here.  I had a couple people help me educate her about things that I just go nuts over that they are fooled into believing.  First of all the problem for her baby could have easily been treated if she came earlier but they always wait till it is almost too late to help them.  I'm not a doctor but was pretty sure her baby had parasites in her stomach, it was extended and she had blood in her stool, a lot.  She took her to a traditional healer and he took a razor and cut her stomach maybe 8-10 places to, what they say, get the bad blood out.  I explained to her that it does nothing and if she can help her friends to know this and don't let those they love go to people like this because now not only does she have blood in her stool but now her body has to fight to keep these cuts from becoming infected.  Then I taught her about the water and how to boil it to make it clean for the babies for they are so little sometimes their bodies can not fight against the stuff that is in it.  The baby's tongue was white and so was inside her eyes.  I figured that she probably had malaria too and would need blood right away.  After all this I sent her to the hospital with one of my papers that says that anything she needs for this child we will pay for.    This is the stomach of the child.    Hours passed and I couldn't stop thinking about this baby.  So it was getting dark and I made my way over to the hospital to see what was going on with her.  I knew too that she had nothing with her and would need help with things and food if they were admitted.  I found her outside the pediatrics ward waiting for a nurse to start an IV of quinine and glucose.  I was concerned though that no one tested her for her blood.  I had her follow me over to the lab where we were lucky to find someone in there after hours.  I also got a nurse to fill out the paper to test her blood count.  It was 3.3 which is super low.  The mother was the same blood type but I insisted that we give her other blood because the mother walked all morning to get here and has not had any food or water and there could be a possibility she would pass out. She already looked exhausted.  We got one bag from the blood bank and the mother would come back the next morning and give another.  So I ran home and got her some food and a water bottle and a piece of material to lay down on.  I got her all settled for the night and prayed for the baby.  I also went over to Danae and Olen's house to ask them if everything we are doing is all that we can do.    The next morning I got a text from Olen that said "the baby will die in the next hour."  I asked Cory to go and pick up Naomi with the motorcycle cause she was walking here to work but I wanted her to talk to the mother for me since she only spoke Nangjere.  I felt terrible and just didn't want this mother to be alone at a time like this.    When Naomi and I got over to the hospital the baby was breathing very slow, maybe a deep breath in every 6-8 seconds.  She was gasping for air.  The mother had lost two other babies and knew her baby was dying. It was so sad.  Naomi and I went and got a basin of warm water and brought it over to the hospital and washed the baby and put a pretty little dress on that a lady made from a church in the states.  We gave the mother some time to clean herself up and just walk away for a few minutes and get some fresh air.  I brought her some more food and we stayed over at the pediatrics for most of the day.  In between our time with this lady and her child we went around and visited each child in the hospital.  We handed out stuffed animals and little cars and stickers.  We tried to do what we could to cheer some of them up.  There was one child in there though that cried I think the entire day.  This little kid was maybe four or five years old and has a really bad burn on most of his body.  It was hard to see this child suffer too as you could see him trying to breath threw a constant pain.    We came back to the house for a while to get a few other things done and as 5 pm came around Naomi decided to leave.  She doesn't normally stay that late but she didn't want the lady to be alone either.  After walking Naomi to the gate and saying our goodbyes I started to walk back to our house.  Many people from the hospital were calling my name.  The baby died!  I ran back toward the gate and told our guard Mahamat to stop Naomi and she of course came running right back.    We ran to the hospital and cried with the mother.  I took the lifeless body into my arms.  Tears just flowed down my cheeks.  So sad!  I walked her to my house and Naomi turned in the extra medication.  When I got to my house the mother asked me to change her baby's clothes.  This was awful.  I had the worst time ever trying to change the clothes on this lifeless baby.  I hated it.  But I did it for her.  I just wished I had a good ending to the story.  I guess the good ending will have to be in heaven when we get there.  I am so glad we have that hope.    Naomi being the giving of herself woman that she is said that she would ride on the taxi motorcycle with her to her village so she would not have to be alone.  When they left I went into the bathroom and took off my dirty clothes from the day.  I took a long shower as I tried to wash the tears from my eyes.  Wash the death from my body.  I feel like I have had enough.   I am sorry that I don't have good and great things to write about from this place.  But, really, the bottom line is that there is suffering in this world.  Sometimes we sit in our comfortable homes and have an illusion that this world is not so bad, but in many places it is.  I am confronted with the suffering of someone everyday.  Life is so fragile here.  It is scary loving people here.  I have not been sleeping very well lately.  I am feeling like a break is what I need.  I guess God knows what we need and He can help provide it.  I just have to stay focused on what He wants from us right now.  Just continue to pray for us.  I think we are in a few dark days right now.  I feel selfish even feeling bad when I know the Appels are going through things I can't even imagine.  Thank you to everyone and their emails to us or to the Appels. It has been wonderful to feel God's love from all over the world.  Have a happy sabbath!        

The rest of the day

First of all I want to apologize for all of the typos and spelling errors I made in my letters to all of you.  I also said that this was the second child in almost a year but of course I meant 2 years.  I was in a hurry and my mind was not clear.  It was a crazy day!

Thank all of you who have written words of encouragement, not only to us but also for the Appel family.  I will be sure to pass those words on.

All of this is soaking in now and everyone just feels like they have been hit by a truck. It was hard to celebrate the new year and it was also hard to sleep very well.  I just can't believe how many lives I have known here that have been lost to Satan's hurtful plans.  I know that we have hope.  We have a hope to see all these babies and children in heaven running together with their families.  I just can not wait for God to come and take us home.  My love for Him continues to grow and my desire is really burning to move to a better place where there is no tears and sorrow.  I am looking forward to seeing each one of you there but when I think of being there with some of the people from a place like this, well I just can't wait to see their faces and talk to them without an interpreter.  And run with some of these old ladies that come to me. 

As an example one lady came to me on Friday.  Naomi was with me and able to help me talk with her.  When she shook my hand she didn't want to let go.  She shook it like she knew me and I had already done a great service to her even though this was the first time to meet her.  She told me her story about how she is alone.  She does have two grandchildren with her but all ten of her children have died.  All were boys but one was a girl and the girl is the one that gave her the grandchildren.  She told us how she tries to get rice in the dirt from the fields.  This thought reminded me of the things I have read in the book of Ruth.  About how some people leave the wheat at the ends of the fields for the poor.  She had wrinkles all over her face that told me of her hard life.  Her hair was white and her clothes were worn and her shoes were broke.  Sometimes, after the fact, I wonder if I have just met an angel.  I think with this lady it was how she greeted me.  It is sometimes fun to think about and also the thought helps me to be patient with people when I want to be selfish with my time.  Anyways, I was able to help her with a bag of rice and things for her to make sauce with and even gave her candy.  She acted as though I gave her a thousand dollars, she was so grateful. 

These are the things that keep me going here.  It is all the people that I meet.  It is hard to never have time for yourself but it is so rewarding to be apart of mission work.  This is stuff I can tell my grandchildren one day.  I have a real love/hate relationship with this place.

I just want to report that the rest of the day yesterday was spent in prayer, song and scripture.  The service was really nice.  We have a lot of very talented missionaries here right now that really sang some beautiful songs that filled our souls in the time of need.  It was nice to listen to the English, American songs.  The Chadians chimed in any moment that was open though to sing some of their chants.  It was ok with everyone because we knew it was their way to give to James and Sarah but the music is so much more like you are at a party.  I guess even in a time of sorrow we still have to give.   Gary and Wendy Roberts  quickly made their way here from Zakouma Park to be with their friends in their time of need.  It was hard to see them altogether.  For those who do not know Gary and Wendy lost their little boy, Caleb, to malaria June 10th 2009, two weeks before we were to move here.  That was a test of my faith as a mother.    But the fact remains that we are all in the hands of God.  Anything can happen to any of us anywhere.   We all need to live like this is our last day.  I thought yesterday about all the pettiness that we get wrapped up in.  The frustrations we have with people the little fights, the hurtful gossip, none of this is worth anything when we look at the big picture. 

I challenge you this year to live life everyday as though it is your last.  Share a smile more.  Give a helping hand where you see needed.  Let someone go in front of you in line.  Send someone a thank you card.  Give someone a call that you think may be lonely.  Visit those that are sick from your church.  Provide a need for someone, anonymously.  Give of yourself this year.  You don't have to be in a third world country.  Not everyone is able to do this.  God needs people everywhere.  Give of yourselves this year, grab those opportunities that will fill your life with meaning.  It will change your life.  You will be happier.  It is addicting and if I ever come back to the states I will continue to serve for now I see that any other way is just meaningless for me.  The greatest of these is LOVE...

Here is a picture of sweet Adam's grave. 

More pics

Adam and Cory just finished digging the grave

such a small casket

More pics

They are burying him next to his sister Dinah!

Greatest Sacrifice!

I don't even know where to start other than to just tell the story as I know it.  Olen came to our house early this morning banging on our door.  I heard him the first time and started to get out of bed but then I heard him bang really hard and said, "Jamie, Tammy you need to go to the hospital, Adam just died!"  I then jumped out of bed in a panic, I got a sweatshirt on and ran over even without Jamie, he was coming just behind me.  I ran over to where they were in an office and I ran to Sarah sitting on a bed.  I hugged her and buried her head into my chest as I said, "Sarah, I am so so so so sorry!"  I didn't know what else to say.  I was overwhelmed and the tears are pouring from everyone.  I look over at James and he is over his lifeless son's body pouring out his grief.  I couldn't believe it!  Life is so fragile here.


Yesterday, James and Sarah came to Bere to get both of their children tested for malaria because Adam, their boy, was running a fever of 104.  The test came out positive with Adam at .10 and Miriam at .05.  They both got hooked up to IV quinine.  Even up to this morning it seemed as though they were both getting better.  They were both playing and moving around with energy.  At some point this morning between 6:00 and 7:00 Adam started to have a seizure.  From there it was trying to just save his life.  I am sure that any of you can read exactly what happened under James' blog later when he finds the time to write, but for now this is all I know.  We are preparing to have a service later today but I wanted to inform all of you that it is true we have lost another one of God's children to malaria.  Satan is after them and many here to discourage the mission.  I tell of you this right now because many are starting to hear the news in America and I want to confirm that it is true.  Please pray for them.  We all need the encouragement but especially James and Sarah for this is the second child in a year. 

I am sending pictures so you can see a little of the events as they happen.  I will write again later tonight after the service.  I am going to send two or three emails so you can have the pictures.  I can only send three at a time with one email. 

Thank you for your prayers and support. 

Love, Tammy

The End of the Year!

It is the end of another year and there is so much that I feel like I
will be able to look back at during the year 2011. It has been a busy
year but a really productive one.

Jamie has helped with getting the new doctors settled in their new home
by helping with the two new rooms made for their children. He managed
the high wall that they had put up around almost half the compound. He
helped build the new guard's house. He built two other house/huts at
different families houses for the new volunteers that come. He helped
build the new SM house here on our compound. Jamie also has connected
the new big generator up to the two compounds with Stan Wheeler so that
when they get ready to start building new buildings at the hospital it
will be ready to go. He has helped paint the maternity ward, make many
wooden bookshelves, chairs, coat racks, tables and repaired much more at
the hospital. He has been there every time to save the day if the car
stops working or there is a leak anywhere at the hospital or on our
compound. He has put in a couple wells and tried at many others that
just would not work. He made a cement "Maytag" as we call it where the
ladies can do the laundry outside. He has helped put up 4 "one day
churches" two for churches and two for the nutrition center. He has
helped James Appel in Moundou with putting in all the electrical wiring,
the mens ward and clinic painted inside and outside, put in a well, and
put in a lot of the plumbing. He made sure the grass in the rainy
season was mowed and even cut down trees when needed with his chainsaw.
He made several hundred bricks with the new brick machine. I am sure I
am missing several other things but to say the least Jamie is far from
lazy and I am very proud of all the work he has done for this place.
All of this does not include all the work he does for everybody and
their computers to make it possible for volunteers to stay in touch with
their loved ones.

As far as what I feel like I have done is more with the people. I do
feel like I have been able to make many more connections with the people
through the giving that I so much love to do. I not only did that but
have been super busy with Olen and Danae's children. I absolutely love
both of them, Zane is now 6 months old and Lyol is going to be 3 in
January. I took on the babysitting more than Brichelle because after
the summer I needed her to get super serious with school and it is
impossible while watching two little ones. Home school has been at the
top of my list of duties this year. It has been a challenge to balance
everything but I think we have a good system in now and we even have
some of the SM's coming to our house to tutor especially for Cory's
Pre-Calculus class. Many of my memories and stories I have are going to
be from all the people that come to my house everyday. The baby formula
program really got going this year. Helping mothers with getting their
milk to come in. I am on the school board and try and keep them in line
and doing what they are suppose to be doing. This year we were able to
put up a new roof on the school office so the rain would not wash the
walls away. I had some landscaping done at the school and had two burn
barrels made out of brick and cement so they could make sure it stays
clean around there. The work with helping children and their tuition is
always a job but still very fulfilling and needed. Even providing some
of the school supplies for kids. I have even gone over to the school
and bought all the peanuts from the people outside that sell it and gave
it to all the hungry children in school. I try to be here as the mother
to all the SM's, we want them to have a place they can call a little bit
of home away from home.

Many of these projects are just projects but it has been the
relationships that we are building as we are helping to build this place
up. The year 2011 has been a great year but I am looking forward to
what the Lord has next for us to do. I want to thank each and everyone
of you who have given to our mission for Bere. We would not be able to
even be here if it were not for you. We pray that God will continue to
bless you as well as the projects we have to face in the future. We all
should stay focused on the coming of our Savior as He is begging on our
behalf as I write this. He needs just a little more time to reach those
few who have not been reached yet. Lets continue to work together.
Through the needs of the sick to the needs of the children and all who
want to hear and experience the love of God we are here to show them and
give it to them. Thank you for making all this possible.

Here is a short list I tried to put together to help you to see where it
is that we could use some extra help. This is also the last call before
the end of the year. Thanks again, we love you all, and thank you for
the financial, emotional and prayer support for in a place like this.
Your prayers I know have helped us with our sickness this year for Jamie
had malaria 3 times, Cory 4 times, Brichelle one time and Tammy none.
That is a huge improvement from the last year. Thank you! Hope you all
have a Happy New Year!

Love, The Parkers
Jamie, Tammy, Cory and Brichelle

School Projects

Tuition for one child in grades 1st- 6th - $12.00 per year
Tuition for one child in grades 7th- 10th - $36.00 per year
Uniform cost for any child in Adventist School - $10.00
Cost for all notebooks and pens for upper grades - $10.00
Cost for all notebooks and pens for lower grades - $7.00
Yearly improvement upkeep on the school - $100.00
Six clocks needed for each class right now per class - $15.00
10 brooms needed - $50.00

**Other projects**

Provide soap for needy people - $36.00 per box (for 2 month supply)
Big project this year to buy rice for the needy per bag - $70.00

(for the rice, it is given out little by little not a whole bag but this
year rice was bad because there was not a lot of rain this year and a
bag started at $20 more per bag which will really hurt a lot of people
this year so we are stocking up now while rice is $70 per bag because it
will probably end up at $150 per bag around May)

Basket/Bag of food - $20.00

**Hospital**

Mainly we help the children or old people at the hospital

Treat a child with malaria - $15.00
Treat an adult with malaria - $10.00
Other medical needs usually don't pass $50.00
Would love to paint the emergency- $20 per gallon

**Jamie's projects**

Cement for bricks (want to build office for grade school)
Cement for wells - one bag of cement $25.00

If we can think of more we will let you know.

--
We are 100% volunteers and your donations are deeply appreciated, as are
your prayers, both of which will contribute greatly to our mission.

PLEASE SPECIFY IN THE MEMO AREA OF YOUR CHECK
FOR "THE BERE PROJECT" AND SEND TO.

Harrison Seventh-Day Adventist Church

PO BOX 969 Harrison, Tn. 37341