Dear Friends and Family

" Usually "official missionary letters" are full of stories of success,
conversions, lives saved, and exciting experiences. While those things
happen, real life is mostly like you have written about in your last
couple of letters, hard, boring, hot and discouraging."

This was a quote that I took from something someone wrote to me back in
July. I have not been writing the last couple of weeks because the work
has gotten harder and longer. Sometimes I think that maybe my blog
letters are all about the bad stuff. I don't want to discourage anyone
but at the same time this is "real life here". We are all being
bombarded with all the suffering of so many in incredible extremes and
the challenges that we, as missionaries, are being confronted with, due
to the culture difference, have heightened. I can feel and see Satan
working. We need prayers.

My work finally came to a stop tonight. I went and joined everyone out
at our fire pit out behind Olen and Danae's house. Everyone was joining
together in beautiful song for worship. Like I have said before we have
some really talented student missionaries. I drifted off into thought,
thought from all the happenings of the week. I felt like I needed to be
alone with God. I got up and went out to the basketball court and laid
down. Looking up toward the heavens, I felt closer to God. I gave Him
my burdens from the week. I shared with Him my crushed heart for some
of the people that I can't seem to get out of my head. How does He do
it? "How Lord how can you see everything?" I see just a little in this
distant world and I almost have to become numb to it in order to get
through a day. I spent some time praising Him as my tears could not
hold on any longer. The stars got fuzzy and so did my thoughts of "my
strength". I want to surrender my burdens to my Father who is the only
One who can make things straight for me again and again.

I want to share one of the most disturbing things I witnessed this week.
A desperate mother came to see me to see if there was anything I could
do for her suffering daughter. Her daughter is 9 years old and
paralyzed. She was sitting far away from the mother off in the dirt. I
walked over and she was just a torso. She was so little. Her legs were
folded around her small body where I almost could not even see them with
her feet were behind her. Her arms were as skinny as her legs. I asked
her if she was sitting in the sun because she was cold? She told me
that was right. I asked her mother a series of questions about her
daughter. I was told to touch her back. I reached down and she had a
huge lump that covered half her back but that was not all. Her mother
told me to reach in front of her, I did and the lump was in front of her
as well. She said she was in pain. Thinking of her now as I write this
just tugs at my heart strings. This poor girl! I of course sent her to
the hospital to see if we can help her with any of this but
unfortunately there just isn't much for us to do. It was really sad.

I don't know, maybe I am just a softy. Maybe I'm not cut out for this
work. I just feel so helpless sometimes. What can I do to make her
life any better or happier?

I had an old lady today that was just hungry. All ten of her children
died and left her with no grandchildren to even help her. She can't see
good and does not know how to get enough food for herself.

The little boy Jonah came to me today like he does every Friday. His
brother Thomas is the one that fell in the well that we thought was
going to loose his eye but everything worked out. His father is in
prison and mother is dead. They live with their blind grandmother. She
came to me with him on Wednesday and is very sick. We helped her to go
to the hospital for an exam and medication. But Jonah today is very
concerned about her. I told him to give the medicine time to work. If
she is not better by Sunday bring her again.

I went to another old woman's house today to visit her for the first
time. As I walked in she was sitting on a mat reading her bible. She
wanted to get up and greet me but she fell about 4 months ago and her
knee is still swollen. Her husband died 11 years ago and all her
children have died. She has one grandson, at the age of 10, that takes
care of her. He puts water on the fire for her and helps her how he
can. I brought her a bag of food and I didn't give it to her until I
finished praying with her. When she looked in the bags she was so
surprised and said that she is now a princes. She thanked God over and
over and told me that God will pay me back for she had nothing to offer.

We had many other visitors today but this gives you an idea of what kind
of work I am confronted with in a day. I enjoy the people and for sure
my heart is with them but it can just bring a person down sometimes.

I guess I just need to give it all to God. Our family prays every
morning to bring those that He wants us to help. Sometimes I don't know
exactly what it is that He wants me to do for some of these people. I
am glad to be someone for them. If there is something I can do, I
will.

So if I write depressing and discouraging things, I think I am in need
of encouragement. We are all working together to glorify God. Someone
recently told me that we need each other to hold each others arms up
during a fight like they did for Moses. We are out here fighting on the
front lines for the Lord and sometimes need that helping hand. If I
don't tell you there is no way for you to know.

Please send up for a prayer for our mission.

Love and prayers,
Tammy

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